The Guild Member types

This is a collection of types of players around the MMORPG games I’ve stumbled upon the last 10 years. Some are very friendly, some are to be avoided and others are good to be banned from the guild as soon as possible, because they can harm unsuspecting people (kids mostly) and this of course will harm the whole guild.

Anyway, this list is started as a joke to make you feel good and to help you associate them with some members of your online fellowship or to help you understand them better. And if you manage to see yourself in this list – please – take it as it was written – a joke aimed to make you smile, not to insult 😛

Let’s start with the dark presence, the almighty

Bitch Queen.

(S)he is the most “bad” char around. Never there to help, always there to object and criticize. (S)he always provokes you to make mistake and then makes you look so low and stupid, so you dont have a choice but to break rules and start with profanities. Most of the time (s)he just searches to start a fight with someone and then plays innocent and provoked, leading to a harsh decisions from the guild master against her/his victim.

(S)he is not a monster though. Especially if (s)he is guild’s own bitch that helps you in a verbal fight with other guilds. (S)he is often an elite player too that knows a lot about the game. Don’t just discard the BQ because of the bitching.

Bitch Queen is often seen protecting The Virgin in verbal fights. They also make quite a good couple, regardless of the gender. Bitch Queen does not mix well with

The Strumpet.

(S)he is a virtual whore. Always speaking about sex. If the talk is not about sex, (s)he bends it this way. Remember the swords are actual phallic symbols and the words Gladius and Gladiator WERE in fact originally associated with male organs, not swords and warriors. Very often you will see female Strumpets to use the command “/sit” over males that had fallen in battle or are also sitting or laying on the ground. Male strumpets often do put their crotches in front of other sitting players (fine tuned with the ability to walk with small steps) and making fun pictures with this in the forum. Mostly the Strumpet is harmless and annoying except in the cases when the Strumpet is actually hidden Stalking Pedophile.

The best way to tame the Strumpet is to find a good pair for ingame Marriage if the game allows it. The hubby/wife will put some collar on the Strumpet constant sex jokes and talks.

Strumpet does not mix well with the Bitch Queen and the Virgin and is often seen breaking the bonds between some of the Couples.

The Generous.

This jewel is always wanted in small guilds and rarely noticed in larger guilds. Everyone has excess stuff sometimes and is willing to gift it to the guild. Some of the games have “guild stash” that can be filled with gold and items from the members and only Guild master and officers can take and distribute them.

It’s not about the guild though. The Generous is above those things. This is only some kind of guild tax. Not a generosity. The generous LOVES to give and does not end up with just ingame money and stuff. G will buy premium “NO XP lost on death” items from the shop for the whole party, because you all start a hard Raid and G does not want you to lose hard gained experience while fighting.

G will also buy some premium gifts for the next contest and deposit them in the Guild stash without even mentioning who did it :). The generous is always there to give. Probably a crazy kid with stolen credit card or 35 year old person with his own wealthy bu$ine$$, the Generous will try to pay all his beloved guild checks, pay for the server hosting where the forum is hosted and even prepay additional storage quota for the time when the forum will be stuffed up with movies and ingame pictures … and G will even feel happy about it.

The Level Cap maniac.

All of his/hers chars are level capped. The game is over for him. (s)he has tried everything and knows everything. All the builds. All the chars. All the dungeons. All the instances and … most of the players on server. Even players that don’t play anymore are his/hers friends. (S)he can help with advice, brute force to kill strong boss or power level you. (S)he refuses money. All those level-capped chars with premium equipment … are you kidding me? If there is money cap – the LCM has them capped too.

LCMs are very unhappy if the server does not allow ALL possible classes and builds to be enabled and played in one server (E.g. 5 char slots but 8 classes) and will do everything possible to buy more char slots or will create/buy another account. Even if it is illegal by game rules.

Most LCMs think about the Strumpets as of annoying time-wasters and does not like the Beggar, the Power Leveler and the Generous too much. Helping and Giving means lousy and lazy newbies that will always Beg for Power level and premium items. Lazy n00bs = lousy guild.

The Power leveler.

Another player that likes to help the others. (S)he is not always there for altruistic reasons. Sometimes it is just pride. But nevertheless, the PL is one of the most praised and respected guild members. It is a simple process. The PL get few low level players to a hard and heavily mobbed dungeon or instance and starts killing en-masse. PLs are often player with very good area-damage, splash-damage and/or damage-over-time skills that can do 20 kills in a matter of 1-2 minutes. Everyone can benefit from PLs skills. Even experienced players.

Just remember that power levelers may need to level themselves or have other important things to do in the game and don’t overdo inquires for power leveling, because the most hated by all the PLs is

The Beggar.

“Hi, can u PLVL me plzzzzzzz!”,

“Hi, can I have 1 gold for equipment plzzzzzzz”,

“Hi, can you buff me pl0x!!!!”

There is no need to know him. He will spam you with “Help me” messages, just because you are looking strong, able and rich. DO NOT tolerate beggars in your guild. They are extremely annoying and will never learn to play and make money themselves. Point them to a good online article about money making and ignore them. I’ve done one for Fiesta Online.

Beggar often falls victim to Bitch Queen, but is sometimes tolerated by the Generous and the Virgin. I can’t explain it. Maybe mothers or fathers instincts push in. Some unknown nature thing.

The couple.

They are always playing together. Even in real life. Sometimes they are friends or school mates. Even if they are both boys or girls. One of them decides to play female and the other mal, so they can get ingame marriage with all the bonuses. As with the real life, the couple is the brick that builds the society.

The couple is above things and does not hate no one. They are self sufficient. Don’t bother bothering. Be happy if they get you in their party to quest or grind a bit. Their mutual synchronization is always so good and self complementing, that you will have either a coupled Cleric+Fighter or Scout+Paladin and buff, heals and mass mobbing will go smooth and quick. Be happy if your guild is rich on couples. Couples rule.

The forum/guild chat junkie.

This cutie is always there for you. Just say “Hi” and you will be greeted and introduced to the new stuff that happened while you were absent. It’s not a bad thing. The guild chat junkie is a very good asset for every guild, because (s)he hangs in the chat and tries to be helpful and talkative. This is important for newbie players, that try to solo the whole game and never ask anyone for help, because they are afraid to ask in the guild chat. But when someone asks “where the hell is [put name here] boss monster”, actually all those silent newbies learn 3 things:

1. Where the actual monster is (and)
2. It is not bad to ask, if you don’t know. No one is born knowing everything.
3. What exactly a guild means. (because most of the chat junkies are bored and will come to help you with the monster)

Forum/Chat junkie should not be mistaken for the

The logorrhea graphomaniac.

I don’t know where those idiots come from, flocking like a whole hive of mosquitoes. They speak about EVERYTHING in the guild chat. Not just game stuff, but also what they eat and drink this weekend while on some trip somewhere. They paste huge nonsense posts in the forum, not regarding anything about the game or the guild.

In the middle of the night, like 2 am – the LGM will post 1000 words article in the forum about how bad is his life.

What a m0r0n. If you are lonely – get a life! Don’t spend all of it online! Idi0t!

(p.s. Graphomania is a a medical condition. A maniacal urge to write. And Logorrhea is the same as Diarrhea but is about words coming from your mouth instead about liquid cr*p coming from you-know-where. The smell is the same though.)

All that LGMs are is opposed by

The silent.

Whenever you see one of those, you think to yourself “Ah, okay – maybe this guy does not speak English“. Most of the time, you will be right. Some people don’t speak English and this is the reason they are not talkative. But when the real Silent finally speaks, you are going to be spooked to death.

Imagine a person that listens to all the guild chat and knows everything and everyone in the guild but not speaking at all. This is what I mean by “The Silent“. (s)He is a ghost that participates in the guild life. But you can’t see him. Most often he or she is a Couple with someone and they play together. (One of the couple is a ghost, the other is active) And for this reason, the silent does not need to speak with anyone, but still knows everything that’s going on. Don’t play tough with The Silent. “The quiet water is the most dangerous” they say.

(BTW: One of the hardest titles in Fiesta online is actually this one. Has to keep silence (not chatting) and staying online for 72 consecutive game hours. I am a proud owner of this title ;). But I took the title by leaving my PC online for 72 hours and went to a mountain resort 😛 not by stalking and loggin anyone in the guild chat.)

The Virgin Hellen.

(S)He is always complaining for being assaulted and offended by more brutal players in the guild and/or has made (or at least started) a guild war just by complaining that someone has said something immature and offending. Very often you will see virgin Hellen clashing with the Strumpet for her foul language or the virgin protected by the Bitch queen in a very brutal verbal fight.

The virgin is very good at wanting protection from stronger friends and is often seen coupled with the Power leveler, the Generous and the bitch Queen. But is often the favorite victim of

The Stalking Pedophile.

This is absolutely the super villain in all online games. All game masters and guild master should be aware of the presence of such perVsons. I think someday a special few lines in the bible will be added for a Hell created just for them. How to find them:

• They claim their age is around 12-13 but are talking surprisingly mature for their age.
• Often, they claim they are from the opposite gender. (opposite to the gender of the kids they are after)
• They often masquerade as “The Strumpet” just to check which of the kids in the game are more open to sexual jokes.
• Also, they are often a “silent” stalker, who logs all messages in the guild chat. They also have installed TCP/IP sniffing software to find your actual location and to try to scan your PC.
• They are open to share their pictures in exchange of yours (of course, not their own real pictures).
• They openly exchange Facebook with others and start learning from the wall and friends interesting things about you, that can in future help them win your trust. If that is not possible, they find other kids they are interested in, from your FB friends. It’s what they are after.
• They are always open to an ingame marriage and start speaking as a real husband/wife. Marriage is the shortest path to the mutual trust. And the Stalking Pedophile needs It to get more informal relationships between him and the victim.

If your guild has this dark presence, get the perv exposed and kicked from the server without honor. Forever. Period.