I’ve come with the idea to make this blog post today, because I almost kicked an old woman while trying to go to work (overslept again). She was staying in a very narrow path and dozens of people were trying to get around her, while she was obviously doing something important.

Something that kept her mind away from the people that need to get to the bus or the subway FAST.

I was so obsessed with my phone that I saw her in the last moment.

So this blog post is about the most annoying people you meet while trying to go somewhere quickly

… and how to avoid them 🙂

The slow granny

The one I have described above is the most annoying. (and most dangerous)

The slow granny does not care you are in a hurry. She is doing something very important and needs to stay exactly in the center of a very narrow snow trail.

She is occupied by reordering the bricks in her purse.

Why do I call them bricks?

Try to make the old granny move away.

She will swing her purse and hit your head or crotch with sharpshooter’s accuracy.

You will FEEL the bricks inside.

How to avoid the slow granny? Simply get your sorry bottom around her. Don’t comment. Don’t try to move her. Just go. Around.

(Granny image source va_sfak@flickr)

The show-case stopper

This one is the second most annoying (and dangerous) walker.

Imagine you are in an underpass or  a sidewalk with some shops beside you.

You are walking vigorously behind someone and (s)he suddenly stops and starts drooling in front of a show-case. It is either a

• Heterosexual male, that just saw a mannequin with enormous … eyes.
• Homosexual male, that just saw *fabulous* pair  of shoes or
• Heterosexual female, that just saw anything worth her attention @ 100%.

Whoever of the aforementioned DOES stop suddenly and you can crash your chin in his/hers head.

How to avoid? Never walk vigorously behind a huge hulks, trendy looking boys or slow walking girls. If they stop suddenly you may get b!tch-slapped. Either verbally or literally.

(Mannequin image source Paul Laury@Flickr)

The hitchhiker

He is less dangerous breed but at least as annoying as the previous two.

• Huge backpack
• Walks slowly and looks around all the time or
• Walks vigorously and looks back all the time.
• Tries eye contact with you, regardless you are not interested at all and asks a question in barely understandable English.
• Needs long and through explanation to where he is trying to go, regardless he is seeing you are in a hurry to somewhere else.
• Sometimes asks for spare change …

How to avoid the Hitchhiker? Simple:

1. Don’t speak English.
2. Don’t allow eye contact.
3. Walk beside him, without taking his presence in mind.
4. Keep walking, even if you are the last person on earth, (s)he is sexy and there are no sheep around.

(“The answer” image source Patrick Hoesly@Flickr)

The shop-loading worker

Do you remember Gandalf shouting

You shall not pass!

• The shop-loading worker will park his bus in the side walk.
• Even if there is place for you to quickly pass by, the worker will occupy it with a wheeled unloader and will quickly block your way.
• There will be at least one more person with him, so even if you can find a gap between him entering the shop storage room, the other will find a way to block you.

Want to avoid this slowly working bunch? You can’t. Wait patiently or risk going to around the bus from the road-side.

(wheeled luggage, image source m_dougherty@flickr)

The “go-before-me” starer

Narrow trail in snow.

You are in a hurry.

There is another person walking against you.

There is not enough space for both of you to pass each other on the narrow path.

You step in the snow to let the other person pass.

He steps in the snow too and allows you to pass.

Says nothing.

Just stares at you and waits.

VERY annoying! You are already knee deep in snow and you did nothing.

Don’t avoid him. Just say “thanks” and go quickly.

(Staring kitten, image source xlibber@flickr)

…and last, but not least…:

The stalker

I don’t know about you people, but I really hate being followed by someone that’s walking with the same speed as mine.

It makes me walk faster and faster and often the stalker also tries to keep the pace, making me even more vigorous.

How to avoid stalkers? Don’t. Let them pass in front of you and stalk them instead with evil grin on your face 😀

(Steps in snow, image source Miles B. at flickr )